(Once a week, I compile a list of the best and worst couples of the week from the films that I happen to see throughout that given week.)

#15 ) Neve Campbell & Skeet Ullrich (“Scream”)
Though this couple starts off hot and heavy, taking their PG-13 rated relationship to the next level, the fact that Mr. Ullrich eventually goes on to try and kill Ms. Campbell pretty much solidifies this as the worst couple of the week.

#14 ) Liam Neeson & January Jones (“Unknown”)
Liam’s character definitely earns points for this couple, fighting to get his life and his wife back after he is involved with a vicious car accident. The problem lies in January Jones and her sudden change of heart towards Neeson, pretending to not even know who he is. When you finally reach the twist at the end of “Unknown”, you realize this couple belongs very low on the couple of the week list.

#13 ) Benicio Del Toro & Christina Ricci (“Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”)
Seeing as Del Toro fakes his own arrest and death over the phone to Ricci after attracting her with drugs, this is far from a functional relationship… or a relationship at all.

#12 ) John Cusack, Cameron Diaz, Catherine Keener, & John Malkovich (“Being John Malkovich”)
This couple is a mixed bag. Cusack starts off married to Diaz and attracted to co-worker Keener. When Diaz meets Keener she falls head over heels. Keener starts a sexual relationship with Malkovich and when she learns that Diaz is in Malkovich’s mind during the sex, she falls for Diaz as well. Diaz loves Malkovich because she likes the way she feels inside his head. We can rule out Cusack and Diaz because they have reached the end of their relationship, Keener eventually grows to resent Cusack, no one really ever desires Malkovich, and in the end, the only relationship that pulls through is Diaz and Keener, but through the road to get there, they are hardly the week’s best couple.

#11 ) Hugh Jackman & Lynn Collins (“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”)
From the get-go, this is a great relationship, full of love, compassion, and compromise. After a loss, Jackman seeks revenge, only to find out he was double crossed. Though Collins’s character claims she loves Jackman, in the end, you really aren’t sure and that leaves this couple out of the winner’s circle.

#10 ) Ed Helms & Sigourney Weaver (“Cedar Rapids”)
Talk about an unhealthy relationship. Beyond the age difference, Weaver’s character is cheating on Helms’s. Though very supportive and reliable, Weaver is seeking pleasure elsewhere, as is Helms, as he sleeps with Anne Heche and gets close with a prostitute. From their first scenes together, it is hard to support this relationship.

#9 ) Brad Pitt & Jessica Chastain (“Tree of Life”)
Brad Pitt plays a strict father and husband in “Tree of Life”. Not saying that in those times, being strict wasn’t common, but when he resorts to violent actions, it is apparent that there is friction, and maybe even a lack of love in this relationship. Since there is little to no resolve, I feel as if this relationship was at its wits end and were it to have taken place today, it would have never lasted.

#8 ) John Travolta & Uma Thurman (“Pulp Fiction”)
It’s just one date, but you can feel the sparks. Travolta and Thurman have witty banter and even tear it up on the dance floor together. But when Thurman OD’s on Travolta’s cocaine, this shows signs of a blossoming dysfunctional relationship. Travolta’s semi-heroics in trying to revive her appears cavalier but how “knight on a white horse” is bringing her to his drug dealer and then stabbing her in the heart with a needle? Plus with Travolta’s eventual fate, this relationship is headed nowhere.

#7 ) Megan Fox & Mickey Rourke (“Passion Play”)
Rourke saves her from the evil circus, restores her faith in humanity, and then… tries to sell her to Bill Murray to pay off a debt? Not very gentleman-like. You have to give it to him though, he immediately regrets his decision and attempts to get her back through many failed attempts. Megan Fox, however, accepts her fate and “takes one for the team”, allowing herself to stay with Murray to keep Rourke alive. In the end, they both put their lives on the line to save one another, and if all that shady stuff would not have occurred, they could have taken number.

#6 ) Natalie Portman & Danny McBride (“Your Highness”)
What’s not to love about Natalie Portman, especially in “Your Highness”. Though Portman only saves McBride and his crew on her own quest, she does indeed save his life numerous times. Portman also steals from McBride and abandons him, but by the end of the film, she is smitten with him as well. However, deep down, seeing Portman and McBride together just doesn’t feel right and for that, they fall out of the top 5.

#5 ) Topher Grace & Teresa Palmer (“Take Me Home Tonight”)
Well, where do we begin. Topher Grace’s character had a crush on Teresa Palmer’s character in high school. Now out college, Grace looks at the perfect weekend to woo her. However, he does so by lying to her, telling her that he works at Goldman Sachs instead of the truth, which is a video rental store. Throughout the night, he aids in stealing a nice car to continue his charade and lies his way right into her panties. He does come clean and even rides a death-defying metal ball all the way down a California hillside into a pool, and even succeeds in getting her number by the end of the night. Minus the lying and Palmer’s shallowness, this is a great couple, just not good enough to take the top spot.

#4 ) Neve Campbell & Jerry O’Connell (“Scream 2”)
Well, it’s a step up from your first boyfriend attempting to murder you, but Neve Campbell isn’t so sure O’Connell isn’t trying to kill her. In the sequel, Campbell is targeted by the ghostface killer once again and everyone is a suspect. Campbell’s love runs deep enough to tell him to beat it, so that we won’t be in the line of fire while O’Connell’s love runs deep enough for a song and dance routine in the lunchroom. Eventually, their relationship cannot withstand the killer’s onslaught and Campbell’s mistrust in O’Connell is what gets him killed.

#3 ) Eli Roth & Amanda Plummer (“Pulp Fiction”)
These two really love each other, which shows in their nicknames, their affection, and their shared interests in robbing people. The only reason I keep them out of the top spot is that I feel that if you really loved some one you would not put them in danger’s way and with guns a blazing and showdowns ensuing, putting your loved one in danger is never healthy for your relationship… or your wellbeing.

#2 ) Courteney Cox & David Arquette (“Scream 2”)
Come on, they got married in real life! Though that relationship recently came to an end, their relationship just begins to blossom in “Scream 2”, getting hot and heavy on a college auditorium stage before being interrupted by ghostface. The tears in Cox’s eyes when Arquette is stabbed shows her commitment and passion towards him, before realizing her own death is near. Though they have a chance of reaching number one in the films that followed in the franchise, as far as this one goes, they do not quite cut it.


#1 ) Paul Giamatti & Amy Ryan (“Win Win”)
Once again, a lie almost keeps this couple out of the top spot. Giamatti is hard up for money and with a family to support in proceeds to become guardian of an elderly man simply for the money. This married couple is endearing, however, and holds together in the toughest of moments, whether its taking in a runaway kid or teaching their oldest daughter the difference between right and wrong. They work beautifully together on screen and exemplify a great relationship.

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