The inaugural “A” of the Day goes to the marketing team behind the dismal theatrical new release this week “Shark Night 3D”. Before we jump into why the marketing team wins this week, here’s what this film has going against it from the get go.
#1 – The film looks like Piranha 3D, which was basically a legitimized porno. Don’t believe me? I present piece of evidence no. 1
And, if you need further justification, I present the second bit of evidence in the form of the upcoming sequel’s title.
“Shark Night 3D” looks to be right along the lines of that same film, except replacing the piranhas with “freshwater sharks”…. sigh.
#2 – 3D… It really feels like no matter how bad a film sounds on paper, if you attach the words three-dimensional to them, all of a sudden producers, directors, and writers are on board. THIS IS COMPLETE SHIT! Words cannot describe how much I want 3D to fall off the face of the earth. It literally does nothing for films but make them cheap amusement park rides. If I wanted to submit myself to that, I would walk up the street to Universal Studios and do the two second Peter Jackson’s King Kong 360 ride. I will be the first one in line to the funeral of this 3D fad/gimmick. I will be holding holographic flowers…
#3 – The sound bytes I have heard on the radio for this film are ridiculous. They are the same recycled whimpering of “why is this happening” and “sharks… OMG”. The sheer genius it must have been to write such a thought-provoking screenplay for this film.
Scene One – Teen swims (probably naked) and is devoured by shark.
Scene Two – Fellow teens are unaware of previous events, but one by one, they all fall victim to the same ill fate (probably also naked).
Scene Three – Final teen finds some way to rid the lake of these sharks… probably some wise old man or scientist.
Scene Four – One shark gets away or eggs are found to prolong our suffering.
At this point in the recycled screenplay game, they should probably just quit using paper and just shoot this from memory, swapping names and places as to not confuse audiences when they see these films in a consecutive viewing.
But, this post is not to rip this film apart (I am pretty sure they will do just a fine job of that on their own). This post’s actual goal is to pay this film, or rather, the marketing team, a compliment. Not a very big one, but compliment none-the-less.
As you read prior, I have little to no interest in seeing this film (unless intoxicated or to inflict revenge on those who ruin movies for myself), but for some reason, the poster that is plastered around the city of Los Angeles with the shark about to chew the bathing suit beauty is flashy and catches my attention every time. The hue of the poster is masterful and the portions of the poster are truly eye catching.
That just goes to show how important marketing your film can be. If one simple poster can be the difference maker in whether someone goes to see your film, imagine what the entire arsenal of marketing could do for a crappy, low rate film like “Shark Night” (not to be confused with “Fright Night” which also released this summer).
Though I know this poster will not save the film from a horrible Labor Day weekend box office, the fact that it receives the “A” of the Day from this blog site is probably one of the highest honors it will receive in the near future.