Theatrical Releases: Magic Mike & Ted

TED || June 29th, 2012

	MADEA’S WITNESS PROTECTION \|\| I am not a fan of Madea films whatsoever, nor are they directed towards me, but there is literally nothing about this film that would make me venture out to see it. Denise Richards and Eugene Levy must have absolutely nothing to do either, as they take on starring roles in the film. This is just too bad.	PASS
	MAGIC MIKE \|\| Steven Soderbergh is a huge selling point for this film, but with the subject matter of half naked men dancing, I cannot say I will make the trek to the theater for this one. Channing Tatum (based on Channing’s real life experiences) and Matthew McCaughney are also high points of the film, but once again, seeing them naked is not a priority of mine. The conversations and dialogue from the trailer are Soderbergh-esque and I’m hoping that this film is one of his brain-children and nothing more.	RENT
	PEOPLE LIKE US \|\| Chris Pine and Elizabeth Banks make a great team, but this drama looks a little too saturated for my liking. Pine’s character is hurting for money and when his father leaves him a wad of cash to be given to his sister (Banks) who does not know he exists, he teeters on the verge of telling, while somehow becoming apart of her life. I don’t doubt the performances, but since I have no female to drag me to this film, I will probably not being seeing it in theaters.	RENT
	TAKE THIS WALTZ \|\| All of these big time stars take time out of their busy schedule to be apart of this independent feeling film brought to you by Magnolia. Michelle Williams and Seth Rogen portray a couple who are way too used to each other, sending Michelle into the arms of a charming other man. You should see this film if for no other reason than Michelle and supporting cast member Sarah Silverman bearing all. But nakedness aside, this Indie looks heartfelt and real, both perfect reasons to see it.	RENT
	TED \|\| With Ted being the first feature film from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, there is no reason not to see this film. With Mark Wahlberg returning to comedy since his successful venture in The Other Guys and featuring a talking, vulgar teddy bear, the humor in this film looks on par to be the best comedy of the summer (if not the year). Throw in the very attractive Mila Kunis and I am all over this film.	THEATER

	BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD \|\| A raved about Sundance film which people are already speaking of for Oscar season, Beasts of the Southern Wild follows a very young narrator through a world which appears one half struck with poverty and one half stuck in a fairytale with giant beasts roaming around. My interest is somewhat peaked, but only by the beasts, which isn’t enough for me to see this film.	STREAM
	A BURNING HOT SUMMER \|\| The subject matter may not be the ethereal love story or even anti-love story that we’re used to, but with the exquisite Monica Bellucci looking better than ever at the helm, I may just have to buckle down and take this one. Wearing amazing silk dresses and cheating on her “not-quite-of-this-world” boyfriend, A Burning Hot Summer is just enough sex to peak my attention.	STREAM
	I HEART SHAKEY \|\| There is no reason I Heart Shakey is getting a theatrical release. What should be playing on the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon will be in theaters while a film like Last Ride has been out in Australia for three years without an American release. Basically a female version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, I Heart Shakey is about an apartment building that doesn’t allow dogs… period. This is everyday life shit and somehow that makes a movie. Dammit.	PASS
	LAST RIDE \|\| For three years I have been wanting to see this film. Released in Australia and raved about by critics who have seen it, I thought it would eventually get an American DVD release, but apparently it has hit theaters. Not to be confused with last week’s THE Last Ride, about Hank Williams Jr’s last days, the Australian Last Ride stars Hugo Weaving as a deadbeat dad, who takes his son on the run after committing a crime. What looks to be emotionally charged and visually stunning, I cannot wait for this to hit theaters.	THEATER
	NEIL YOUNG JOURNEYS \|\| Neil Young seems like an interesting guy, but walking around yards and driving around Canada really does not appeal to me. Dubbed a documentary musical, I am curious how they fit his deep, rich music into the film, but as far as I am concerned, this holds little interest for me.	PASS
	RUNWAY COP \|\| Synopsis: A devoted cop must go undercover as a runway model in this Korean action comedy.	PASS
	STORAGE 24 \|\| What looks to be a straight-to-DVD version of Alien, Storage 24 places a group of people stuck in a storage facility facing some sort of horrific monster. Its poor quality is only matched by its blatant recycling of ideas.	PASS
	SUPERMEN OF MALEGAON \|\| Synopsis: The quirky, low budget, socially aware and notoriously funny spoofs of Bollywood films are explored in this documentary from Malegaon, a small town tucked away near the heart of India geographically, fraught with communal tension and under severe economic depression.	PASS
	UNFORGIVABLE \|\| Unforgivable looks like a fairly solid foreign film. With the looks of something that could potentially be nominated for an Academy Award, I will definitely keep my eye out for this film in the future.	STREAM